The Anxiety of Days Out

As parents we all know there is a certain hidden anxiety whenever we take our children out to different places. For me it was soft play, that daunting feeling hit me as soon as I booked my first session for my son. The thought of standing in a room filled with parents being silently judged scared the day lights out of me, without realising that most first-timers probably felt the same as me. 

When I walked in my palms were sweaty and the anxiety swept through me. The mums that had brought their friends seemed calm and relaxed, whilst the couples played with their kids quietly on the floor. Then there was me.. me with an 16 month old and heavily pregnant trying to figure out what would be the easiest thing to get him to go on without harming the bump. Many thoughts crowded my head about the other children, such as; what do I do if another kids mean to mine? Do I tell them off? Find a parent? What if I can’t find a parent? Do I just move my son to another section? Plenty of things to consider as we started playing. 

My son is a very introverted, maybe due to the pandemic and not being allowed around other children for so long, maybe just because that was him. I wasn’t too sure at this point. I had asked a friend what it was like beforehand and she said taking that first step into the mummy social world was the best thing she did, it worked out great for her and her child, so with that considered it was why I took the plunge. Unlike the other kids, my son decided to play on his own. He isn’t one much for imagination play and more likes to run around like crazy, not particularly do-able when you’re heavily pregnant but also not impossible. So I tried my best to keep up as he ran through the obstacles and climbed the things that I had once thought he was too little for. 

After the first session went well and he made some new friends, surprisingly to me as the only kid he usually was that fond of was his step-brother. He played and danced to the Disney songs that rang through the room and after our 90 minute session he then went for a peaceful sleep in the buggy, making nap time much easier than before. That day taught me a lot about myself and how nervous other parents really made me. How the judgement of others really did affect me that much and how much I could relate to others in the sense of not taking their kids to social groups etc. It was eye-opening to observe others and realise that you’re not alone and that most of the others there do feel the exact same as you. Whether their coping mechanism for it is to be silent with their child and play, bring a friend or partner, in the end we’re all in the same boat with it. 

The second time we went was much easier and after that I was continuously booking a slot, feeling much more comfortable and found so much pleasure in watching my son enjoy himself. It was refreshing to see him play with someone other than me and interact with other children. All my worries and fears had washed away in the sense of soft plays, which may sound ridiculous but it’s true! 

Once I had tackled soft plays it was time to move onto parks, now this may sound stupid or that I put way too much thought into it, but taking my kid to the park was a scary experience for me. Maybe it was due to the fact it was an open space, meaning more risk factors. Maybe it was the dirt and germs and the fear it would make my son sick. Maybe it was the kids there without parents and the anxiety of asking someone if they’re finished playing with something so my son could… maybe it was all three and more. But I knew the first one to be true one of the first times I went. My fear came to life and even though I was with a friend, the park just was not what I felt a safe space to take my child. 

One of the times I went my sister and son happily played as we visited the park, my sister being older than me so two adults present luckily. After an hour or so he started to get tired so we figured we’d better take him home, let him nap in the buggy and stay in for the rest of the evening, a typically usual plan. Well this time, it was very unusual and not something I hope to experience again. As we were leaving I noticed two men perched upon the gate and after looking around I noticed none of the children belonged to them, a scary thought. Instantly I told my sister that we best put him in the buggy, trying to let the guys know I was on to the fact they were observing the kids in the park. 

Panic took over me as we started to leave, something didn’t feel right about these men and I couldn’t shake off the feeling. A dad walked past that I had noticed was in the park with his daughter when we were and I asked his opinion on it, surprised to find out that he had left for the same reason and was keeping his daughter close to him. I then warned a women as she entered the gates with her young daughter in a pram. 

Then as we left the situation got more dangerous. The men began to follow two teenage girls that had parted from their friends, my mind instantly going into a frenzy but I was unable to catch up or even shout to the girls to warn them off the danger. My mind wondered what I could do in this situation and I began to dial 101 but got placed on hold, waiting in a queue that I didn’t have time to be in. Luckily I spotted a friend who told me that calling 999 in this situation was completely acceptable, as I was unsure due to the men not technically doing anything yet. The police answered right away and went on the hunt from them, saying they would call me back if anything developed of the situation. 

Now this blog most isn’t to fear monger or give parents anxiety but it’s instead to teach parents a lesson. I still take my kids out after that event and that’s due to the fact I realised I can’t do anything to prevent these events from occurring. But what I can do is know what to do in the situation and how to make me and other children feel safe whilst being out. So here’s some advice from me; 

1. Always be vigilant when you’re out with your children. 

You never know of someone’s true intentions and especially in this day and age with what haunts the world. This also goes for keeping other children safe too, because you never know what horrible situation you can prevent by doing so. 

1. Be mindful of other parents anxieties when you’re out in public or anywhere for that matter. 

That parent may have been nervous to take their child out in the open world. So if you see someone seeming to be uncomfortable, try to make them feel comfortable. You may even make a new friend out of it and this moves me on to my third point. 

1. As hard as it may be, try to put yourself out there. 

Making mum and dad friends may seem very scary at the time but you can learn a lot from other parents and it may help you with your parenting needs/struggles. You can share and offer advice between one another and also a little rant here and there 😊

1. Your fears and the way you feel are completely normal 

They really are! And most parents feel them too, they just may not say them. They are completely normal and completely okay, but do not let them hold you back like I once did. Because then you won’t see the benefit of conquering them. You can still enjoy things with these fears present and it’s never a bad thing to be a bit cautious in a new surrounding or situation. 

1. Don’t be afraid to try new things with your kids. 

Or in general for that matter! The world is filled with new experiences and you never know, you may find one that you absolutely adore and can’t get enough off. But you’ll never know without taking a little risk and venturing out of your comfort zone. You may find something new helps you bond more with your child or even makes your social life that bit better. So that thing you’ve been putting off, what are you waiting for? Go and do it! And let us know your experience in the comments below. 

Keep smashing it mums and dads, you’re doing great 😊