The Rollercoaster of Pregnancy Emotions
You see pregnancy is a whirlwind of changes. A new baby, new feelings, your body is used up and has the nutrients sucked right out of it in my case. This regards both my pregnancy’s where my first child gave me morning sickness and hospital trips throughout and my second well… she nearly killed me several times. Now as scary as that may sound, thankfully I was okay and so was she. But the trauma still follows me even after they were born, leaving me terrified of getting pregnant again.
Now as much as I absolutely adore my children it did leave me asking myself; can I go through another pregnancy? Knowing for myself that whether the gender is either or my body will still suffer throughout. To me it’s an easy toss up. I handled the pregnancy with my son due to the fact that I didn’t have other kids to run around after, making it much easier than my daughters. My daughters, well… that didn’t go so smoothly and set my decision in stone that I’m most likely not going to conceive another child if I can help it.
I’ll touch base on my sons first… now with him the anxiety was high and so was the morning sickness. I can’t remember a day throughout that pregnancy once I hit a month pregnant that my head wasn’t stuck down a toilet bowl and as disgusting as that sounds, it’s the truth. The foods I once loved I couldn’t stand anymore, bacon being an all time favourite of mine, gave me the reaction of nearly passing out each time I took a bite of it, the reason still unknown to this day. It’s weird the things our bodies can handle before pregnancy and can’t stand during it, then as the baby comes out it’s like it regains itself again and starts to remember now that it’s been relieved of the baby.
The clothes I wore struggled to fit over my bump around the 6 month stage and if you’re like me, I refused to buy maternity clothes as I felt they were a waste of money… oh was I wrong, but I’ll explain that later. So for the next 3 months after that I was stuck in my partners clothes and squeezing into leggings that were no longer high waisted and instead sat just underneath my bump, digging into my skin every time I walked. My shoes that once felt so comfortable were now a tight squeeze with my swelling feet and weak ankles due to the extra weight I now carried.
I remember feeling the most unattractive I had ever felt as my skin broke out in acne, bags under my eyes prominent as I couldn’t sleep properly due to the weight and heaviness. My foot steps now thumped as I walked and my body had a sort of waddle to it, annoying me as much as people found it hilarious to see. The eczema I had prior to my pregnancy began to get inflamed to the point where one night I cried my eyes out as I stared at my hands, which looked like I had been bare-knuckle boxing. Then began as more weight piled on the struggle of just placing my shoes on my feet, climbing in and out of the bath without having to hold something, such normal, everyday tasks I once took for granted.
Cleaning as much as I wanted to was never a satisfying job. The ache of my body was I sat and stood to reach certain places. Hoovering now becoming more effort than what it was worth whether I was using the hose or as normal. Even wiping sides didn’t help as the smells went to my head and gifted me with a headache most of the time. The whole nesting stage for me on that pregnancy was a mode of complaints, headaches and backaches.
Now if you thought my sons pregnancy was bad, I’ll tell you about my daughters. The first few weeks I felt great and everything was going swimmingly, until my first trip to hospital due to dehydration. The problem was, I didn’t know I was dehydrated, instead I genuinely thought I was dying as my clothes got drenched in sick and my body could barely lift itself out of bed. The morning sickness was nothing like I had experienced before and the scary part was when I found out at the hospital that it could’ve killed me. Now this was scary for 2 reasons; 1. The fact it could’ve killed me 2. I had a 11 month old baby that depended on me waiting at home for me to return to him. A scary situation which I never want to experience again… but I did, twice more after that.
I was in and out of hospital like a yo-yo between the dehydration and the constant appointments they book you in for. Scans, midwife appointments, blood tests (my most hated appointments due to a fear of needles) then came the appointment for diabetes. One of the worst tests I’ve ever had to do. The rules were you cannot eat or drink for 12 hours prior to, only consume water and then drink a glucose drink, sit around for 2 hours whilst they wait to see your results. Not fun in the slightest. Now if your children were anything like mine, they hated when I didn’t eat. In fact they would make me throw up 10x more when I had no food in my stomach than when I did. The diagnosis of HG did not help this factor in the slightest.
But despite all the bad, my pregnancies made my life a million times better, because it gave me my beautiful babies. So as much as I hate pregnancy, I’m grateful for it. This isn’t to say pregnancy is something to fear… more be prepared for what you may be in for if you decide to get pregnant and have a baby. Because most of time, it isn’t all butterflies and sunshine. No, most of the time it’s feeling sick, sleepy, aches and pains, but in the end the wait will be worth it. The nine months of trauma to receive a lifetime of happiness with your babies.
Keep smashing it mums and dads, you’re doing great 😊
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